How to Know if You are in Love or Lust


Are you confused about whether you are in love with him or her or just burning with lust? Are you admiring someone  from afar or someone admiring you? This post will help you to filter out your feelings. I believe that after reading this post, all your confusion in this area will vanish and you will  be able to distinguish between true love and a burning lust.
Love is not just a feeling or emotion. A feeling or emotion is not constant. They come and go as occasion demands. You can feel good when something good happens and feel very bad the next minute when something bad happens. But that’s not what love is. Love is not sex. You can agree with me that even prostitutes do have sex with their customers who they don’t even love. Someone can have sex with you but doesn’t love you. Love is not a gift, money, car, house or other material things. Someone can buy you anything just to sleep with you when in actual sense he doesn’t love you enough to commit himself to you, let alone going into a serious relationship with you. So what is love? The Holy Bible defines love as God. Love is God! “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love” 1 John 4:8. Therefore, love is demonstrating the nature and lifestyle of God to someone and making him see God through you.  Moreover, the word ‘Love’ is translated from four Greek words namely:

(A) Eros- means sexual or romantic love.
(B) Phileo- means love of the soul bent towards our natural tastes and preferences.
(C) Storge- means love of community and family.
(D) Agape- means the unconditional love of God.
What is Lust? Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. Someone can lust for several things but in our context, we are talking about lust for sex. Therefore, lust is a sexual desire that dishonours its object.  How can you differentiate true love from lust? How can you know when someone truly loves you or is lusting after you? The sole purpose of this post is to answer these questions in a very pragmatic and vivid manner. Read on if you are with me.

How To identify True Love
1. If you treat the object of your interest as a person and not as a thing, if you care for this person even when you know his or her faults, if you are committed to walking together even in times of great difficulties, if you can tell this person anything about yourself, even when the truth is hurting, then know for sure that you are in love and not lust.
2. If you feel secure, knowing that your partner will stand by you no matter what happens, and if you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life, then know that you are in love.
3. If you can see your partner as your everything and can’t imagine life without him or her considering how long you have been in the relationship, then you are in love.
4. If you are not yet married, but in courtship or dating and sex is not the issue, you are ready to wait until you both get married before engaging in sexual intercourse, then you are in real love. If you are married and after sex with your spouse, you feel closer to him or her, it shows you are in love with your spouse.
5. If you see your partner as your best friend and can’t see any other person better than him or her, if your partner is the first person that comes to your mind when you want to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, then know that you are in love with him or her.
6. If you are willing at all time to forgive your partner and forget whatever offences he/she may have committed against you, and if it gives you concern to resolve every misunderstanding between you and your partner without delay, then know that you are in love.
7. If you feel a strong bond of trust between you and your partner and peace in your heart when considering moving the relationship forward or getting married together, then you are in love.

How to Identify Lust
1. If you treat the object of your interest as a thing to be used and dumped and not as a person to be loved and cherished, you are burning with lust. If you are planning to catch him or her just to go to bed with you without any commitment to the relationship, you are burning with lust.
2. If marital security is not in your mind and all you are thinking of is how to get what you want and after all each person can go his or her separate ways, you are burning with lust.
3. If you are more interested in satisfying your sexual desires than building a lifelong relationship with the object of your interest, you are burning with lust.
4. If you are in courtship or dating and you ask your partner for sex and he/she says no, if you get angry over that, you are burning with lust and not in love. If you are married and can’t be sexually satisfied with only your spouse but looking for another man or woman outside your marriage, you are burning with lust.
5. If you are hacking some mischievous means to knock down or track down a man or woman to have sex with him or her against that person’s free will, you are burning with lust.
6. If you feel comfortable and unconcerned when you have conflicts with your partner and don’t see any need to make peace, even when your partner has apologized to you and begged for your forgiveness, you are in lust, not love.
7. If you don’t care about moving the relationship forward, and if you are satisfied to date other people and you don’t care if your partner has many partners, you are in lust, not love. True love is jealous but not envious. Because it is backed up with commitment (Song of Sol. 8:6-7).
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© DAMIAN ALAMBA


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