Love and Submission in Marriage

Marriage is not a necessary evil. It is not a curse but a blessing. But if you are going to enjoy your marriage, you must be determined to apply God's principles and instructions for a successful marriage. And when it comes to success in Marriage, God commanded the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church and to the woman, God commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word" Ephesians 5:22-26

Submission in Marriage
A wife is not equal with her husband in Marriage. She may be older than the husband, more educated than him, more connected and financially bigger than the man but in Marriage she is subject to her husband. There is no gender equality in Marriage. The moment a wife begins to see her husband as an equal mate, she has lost her foot in that marriage. Sarah called Abraham her husband, "my Lord ". Your husband is your Boss, your Master, your king and your Lord. He is second in command after God. He is not your house boy or room mate, even if he happens to be your age mate or classmate. He deserves your utmost respect and reverance. Understand that as a wife, you are not doing your husband any favour by submitting to him. Your submission to him is for your own good. Because no man will love a rebellious and stubborn wife. The easiest way to chase your husband away into the hands of strange women is to be rebellious and stubborn to him. When you don't submit to your husband, you tear down your own marriage without knowing. But a wise woman builds her home and marriage through total submission to her husband.

what is Submission?
Submission is total obedience to a higher authority. It is to be loyal to your husband and respect him.
Three words that define submission in Marriage are obedience, loyalty and respect.

Three Areas of submission in Marriage
1.  A wife is to submit to her husband in her thoughts, words and actions.
2. She is to submit her body to her husband.
3. She is to submit her money and every material assets to her husband.

12 Signs to show you don’t submit to your husband

1. If you travel or visit your friends, colleagues and relatives without your husband's concept, it shows you have not learnt submission in Marriage.
2. As a married woman, if you make pledges or give anything to the church or to a man of God without the concept of your husband, you are a rebel. God knows you are a woman under authority, He cannot take anything from you without the approval of your husband ( Read Numbers 30:6-8). When Married women neglect their marital obligations in the family in the name of attending church activity, God sees it as rebellion to your husband. There is time for everything . Do everything with wisdom as a married woman under authority .
3. If you walk out on your husband while he is still talking to you or hit your hand in anger on the table while talking to your husband, it shows you don't submit to your husband.
4. If you answer back on your husband, thwarts his orders and rain abusive words at him, you are not submissive.
5. If you keep extra marital affairs with an opposite sex or cheat on your husband for any reason, you are a calous rebel.
6. If you always do whatever you decide to do even when your husband tells you not to do it, you are not submissive.
7. If you use sex as a weapon to flog your husband and deny him his conjugal right, you are a rebellious wife and not submissive.
8. If you hide your financial details and investments from your husband, you are not submissive.
9. If you humiliate your husband in the Secret or in public because you have become the bread winner of the family, you are not submissive. Whatever financial help you render to your husband or family is not a reason why you should disrespect your husband. There are women who are doing more than what you are doing yet nobody has heard their voice in the street.
10. If you are always right in your eyes and your husband cannot correct you when you are wrong, you are not submissive.
11. If you deliberately encroach on the authority of the man right when your husband is present, you are not submissive.
12. If you cannot cover your husband's weak points in the public and protect his interests , you have not learnt submission.

Submission is an art. It can be learnt. Every woman is naturally stubborn. That's why you will notice that the girl's mouth is sharper than that of the boy from childhood. So you need to work on yourself. As a married woman, you need to tell yourself the truth, you can't afford to suffer a divorce or separation. Decide from the beginning that all you want in your marriage is happiness, love and unity. Then accept responsibility to be submissive to your husband in everything. If you submit in some areas and rebel in other areas, you will never have a successful and happy marriage. Change is a decision. Keep your PhD and other certificates apart. Education does not make a happy home, Character does. Forget about your money and your wealthy family background. Humble yourself and you will never regret doing it. Remember Christ in you is the hope of your glory. If God almighty could humble Himself and became a mortal man in the person of Jesus just to save humanity from destruction, you too can allow Christ in you to humble you. You can allow the word of God that you have heard to transform you from a stubborn and rebellious woman to a humble and submissive wife. Beauty is invain and favour is deceitful but the woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Don't listen to the so called high class ladies who said they cannot submit to a man. They may keep several sex partners but cannot boast of a happy home or successful marriage. Being a submissive wife is an honour before God and man. That's where God wants you to function. Therefore, take your place under the cover of your husband. That's where your happiness and joy lies in that marriage.
( Also Read : 30 Wisdom Secrets of a Good Wife) 

Love Your Wife

The greatest gift a man can give to his wife is to love her. A man should love his wife Sacrificially, lavishly, and unconditionally. A wife is to be loved. She is to be admired, cherished, cared for and honoured. Your wife is not a curse to you, she is a blessing from God. She is not a disadvantage to your progress but a plus to your success in life. Your wife is not your problem, she is your progress in a raw state. If you hate your wife for any reason, you are a foolish man. Because no sensible man hates himself. You should rejoice and be glad every time you see your wife. Your heart should leap for joy each time you hear her voice.  She is the gift of God to your life. Hear this, every woman is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The woman that looks ugly in the eyes of one man can look like a Queen in the eyes of another man. Every woman is a star, it all depends on how you package and nurture your wife.
Let me tell you something about the woman nature, I guess you need to know this. Women naturally have soft heart. They have sharp mouth but their hearts are very soft. When you harden your heart against your wife, you are committing murder without knowing. Women are very wonderful people. I want you to see the beauty in your wife. See her strengths and stop capitalizing on her weak points.

What is love?
Love is God. Love is showing someone the nature and character of God. In our context, as a husband, love is showing your wife the nature and character of God. Seeing her the way God sees her and taking her the way God takes her. Love is not just an emotion. Love is not a feeling. Love is an action driven force. If your love for your wife is not pushing you towards her, you are not in love. If it is not driving you, your love is fake. True love is a mover and a driver. It will move you to do good things for your wife which the natural man cannot do for any woman. Love is a Spirit. When you are possessed with the Spirit of love for your wife, it will show in the way you talk to her, your attitude towards her and in everything you do with her. Love is as strong as death. When you are in love with your wife, you will be dead to side attraction. No other woman will move you. When you see half nude ladies walking in the street and fix your gaze on them is because you don't love your wife. A man in love is a dead man. He can't see another woman. His ears are deaf to the saltery lies of strange women. The love you can't see does not exist. If you love your wife in your heart, your mouth will show it. Because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A husband who loves his wife cannot be tired of expressing love to his wife. Love is a value placed on someone which does not change. You can give without loving but you can't love without giving. Every genuine lover is a giver. True love gives. Let's see how to show love to your wife.

12 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife
1. Giving - Give her your attention and affection. You are married to your wife, not your job, iPad, laptop or business. So make out time for your wife. Everything is not money. She needs you more than everything.
2. Take good care of your wife. Love is caring. So look out for her welfare. Make sure she is properly clothed, always looking good, well fed and healthy.
3. Understand Her feelings. Love is about sharing emotions and burdens. Read her mind. Look at her face. Know when she is happy, sad or depressed. Don't ignore her when she is feeling bad. Find out what her problem is and help her feel better.
4. Satisfy her sexually. It is your duty as the husband to satisfy your wife sexually. So be your best at it.
5. Appreciate and compliment her. Women are moved by words. Learn to appreciate your wife and praise her for her little efforts. It will bring out the best in her. Call her sweet names and pet her alot. Don't call her mama John. If she didn't give birth to a son, won't you know what to call her?
6. Teach her and nurture her to be the best. Your wife is not an angel. She is a human being and therefore liable to errors. She has some weak points and many strengths. Discover her strengths, encourage her to be her best, correct her in love and teach her some things she doesn't know. If she doesn't know how to cook, don't make it a headline. Teach her how to cook and buy cookery books for her. Love covers all faults.
7. Sometimes, help her in doing domestic chores. Women like that alot. It can be a wonderful opportunity for her to tell you something she wouldn't have naturally told you.
8. Be romantic to your wife. Buy her gifts, especially surprise gifts. Kiss her alot. Take her from the back. Lift her up and swin her in the air. She will feel like she is on top of the whole world. That's what you are called to do as the husband.
9. Sometimes take her out to catch fun. Once in a while take your wife out to a fast food, beach, garden Park or travel alone with her. A change of environment can mean alot to her.
10. Honour your wife before your parents and siblings, before your friends and colleagues. You should always treat her like the first lady which she is to you.
11. Don't beat your wife or raise your hand against her. The truth is she will say or do something you wouldn't like one day. Ignore her mistakes and walk away to a quiet place when you are angry. You can come back to the house once your anger subsides.
12. Involve your wife in your decision and plans. Seek her opinion and advice in everything you do. She is not to detect for you. But she is the best adviser God has given you. Giving her a say in your decisions and judgments is a way to show that you love her. However, it's not every advice or opinion your wife gives to you that you must implement. Be a wise man. Take her good advice and ignore the bad ones.
( Also Read : 12 Wisdom Keys to know a Man that Truly Loves You ) 

In Conclusion,  love and Submission are two indispensable requirements for Success and happiness in Marriage. A man who is not ready to love his wife should not get married in the first place. And a woman who is not determined to submit to her husband in everything should not get married. Because marriage without love and Submission will be full of sorrow, pains and regrets. You will not fail in your marriage. Receive grace to function in this truth. God bless your marriage.
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© Damian Alamba


  1. A bold, transparent, teachable gospel that all should read to understand the various perspectives and dynamics of relationships and marriages.


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